You see, over the last few years, I've struggled to write longer pieces. I'd get a few thousand words into a project, foolishly send pages from the rough draft to my critique group, and get discouraged by how much work I had to do, then quit and move on to something else. It's a stupid thing, and I should have known better than to send pages from the "shitty first draft." But I did. And I let myself get overwhelmed by how much needed to change.
So I focused on short stories and just playing with words. Which was fruitful enough--I should have a lesbian super-villain short coming out in an anthology through Northwest Press sometime next year, and a second Kitsune short to put out on my own--but not necessarily fulfilling for the part of me that loves longer stories.
The fact that I've written the Consortium story to 15,000 words so far is big for me. It's the longest I've stuck with a novel-length idea in two years. And I'm still excited about the story idea and the characters, which is huge. I know there will be a lot of work to do to clean it up after this draft, but instead of letting myself get overwhelmed by that prospect, I'm somehow managing to take notes on it and let it go. It helps that I'm not letting other people look at it yet.
Basically, this post is nothing more than a brag about the fact that I'm still here and getting words on the page. I don't know if this story will truly be publishable some day, but I'm trying not to worry about it.
Writing should be enjoyed for the sake of writing, not for some mystical bestseller's list. That's a lesson I'm still re-learning every day.